Dale Carnegieâs How to Win Friends & Influence People is one of the best selling self-help books of all time. The book has influenced a wide range of people over the years, from Warren Buffett to Charles Manson. Those two people, Buffet and Manson, really express the weirdness that is Carnegieâs book in the modern era. Letâs dig into it.
This is part of Lifehackerâs book review series. Not every life hack can be summed up in a blog post, so weâve decided to review some of our favorite life-changing books for deeper dives into lifeâs most important topics.
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How to Win Friends & Influence People is book you can read in a couple of different ways, and that little ampersand divides the two intentions of the book far more than was originally intended. While people like Buffett praise it for its management techniques, itâs also easy to see how one could use those same techniques for evil. Which is to say, depending on who you are, you can read Carnegieâs book in two distinct ways: to win friends or to influence people. Which route you take can change how you feel about the book, yourself, and your relationships.
Who This Book Is For
So, thereâs a bit of a split between exactly who How to Win Friends & Influence People is for, and the Pollyannaish philosophy that guides a lot of the principles here are clearly influences on more recent best selling self-help books like The Secret. An extreme optimism comes through in a lot of Carnegieâs techniques, which include suggestions to smile more and to give honest appreciation. How to Win Friends offers a lot of solid advice for people who deal with business relationships or do a lot of public speaking. Itâs also routinely cited as a great way to get over social anxiety because it outlines a few simple techniques that make meeting new people a little easier.
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On the flipside, How to Win Friends is also packed with all kinds of subtle manipulation techniques, so if thatâs more your thing, youâll find a plethora of tips here. The most obvious example of this comes in chapter seven, which concentrates on ways to âLet the other person feel like the idea is his or hers.â That idea might sound familiar to anyone who watched Inception.
How to Plant Ideas in Someone's Mind
If you've ever been convinced by a salesperson that you truly wanted a product, done something â¦
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What Youâll Get
According to the book jacket, inside How to Win Friends & Influence People is a guidebook for making a good first impression, good ways to criticize people, tricks for being better at conversation, and a handful of other things that essentially boils down to âdealing with people.â
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Carnegie shares these tips in a format thatâs since become pretty standard in self-help books: open with how this tip will change your life, provide an abundance of examples of where this has worked in the real world, and close with single-sentence summation. Each chapter takes on a single principle and theyâre then grouped into larger themes like âFundamental Techniques in Handling People,â or âBe A Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.â The book is also a tool in the Dale Carnegie training courses, but those courses are by no means required.
In short, youâll get a bunch of tips for navigating small talk, closing business deals, and negotiating to get what you want.
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One Trick Youâll Take Away
Since Iâm not particularly interested in improving my sales techniques, I found the theme of the book really revolved around one tip: pay attention to people because people like when you pay attention to them. Wikipedia has a list of all the one sentence âtipsâ in the book, if you donât feel like reading the whole thing, and theyâre really often common sense tactics. For example, here are the six ways to make people like you:
Itâs all pretty simple. While it might have been revolutionary to hear that people tend to like you more when you listen to them in 1936, itâs a little silly to read now because it all seems to obvious.
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Our Take
While Carnegie himself is likeable enough throughout the book, his suggestions are often either too simplified or overwrought. For example, itâs probably not shocking that one of the primary pieces of advice for winning friends is to smile more, but the advice goes a bit too far for my liking:
You donât feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
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If that advice sounds familiar, itâs because itâs the primary tip in pretty much every self-help book on the planet. Of course, the benefit of smiling more does have some scientific merit, but overdoing it tends to have the opposite effect. Regardless, the whole thing seems to rely a little too much on optimism for my liking.
Still, thatâs not to say a lot of How to Win Friends isnât good stuff. I certainly agree that the best way to get people to like you is to show earnest interest in them, listen to them, and ask the right types of questions. Likewise, a lot of Carnegieâs advice for bringing people around to your way of thinking really boils to just being nice and sympathetic to otherâs points of view. All this is great, though I often found myself nodding off while reading through the excess of examples that Carnegie goes through to prove pretty simple ideas. While the core of his suggestions are still often applicable, 80 years later, the examples come off as dry and outdated. They include all kinds of things that are hard to identify with now, like writing down birthdays, an extensive example about collecting stamps, and a story about politely disagreeing with a policeman.
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Despite the lack of sophistication in some of these suggestions, itâs all pretty harmless. The evil portion tends to come in when you skip the whole âearnestnessâ part embedded in a lot of Carnegieâs suggestions.
For example, when Carnegie suggests encouraging people to talk about themselves, itâs easy to see how when taken the wrong way, it comes across as acting fake to get what you want. Likewise, the notion of âwinningâ friends turns meeting people into a game, which makes friendship sound like a trivial thing. When read this way, the advice in the book often comes off as exploitive at best, manipulative at its worst. The worst example of this comes from Chapter Seven, which is the chapter Charles Manson used the most. In fact, according to Manson biographer Jeff Guinn, Manson used many of Carnegieâs techniques word-for-word.
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âChapter Seven: How to Get Cooperation,â sounds pretty harmless, but the key takeaway is the aforementioned âLet the other person feel like the idea is his or hers.â Letâs take a look at the oddest example in the chapter:
Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well. Paul M. Davis of Tulsa, Oklahoma, told his class how he applied this principle:
âMy family and I enjoyed one of the most interesting sightseeing vacation trips we have ever taken. I had long dreamed of visiting such historic sites as the Civil War battlefield in Gettysburg, Independence Hall in Philadelphia, and our nationâs capital. Valley Forge, James-town and the restored colonial village of Williamsburg were high on the list of things I wanted to see.
âIn March my wife, Nancy, mentioned that she had ideas for our summer vacation which included a tour of the western states, visiting points of interest in New Mexico, Arizona, California and Nevada. She had wanted to make this trip for several years. But we couldnât obviously make both trips.
âOur daughter, Anne, had just completed a course in U.S. history in junior high school and had become very interested in the events that had shaped our countryâs growth. I asked her how she would like to visit the places she had learned about on our next vacation. She said she would love to. âTwo evenings later as we sat around the dinner table, Nancy announced that if we all agreed, the summerâs vacation would be to the eastern states, that it would he a great trip for Anne and thrilling for all of us. We all concurred.â
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To recap, the example describes tricking a wife into taking the vacation the guy wants by using his child to plant the idea in the wifeâs mind. Maybe Iâm the wholesome one in this case, but the tactic sounds manipulative to me. Read the wrong way, this example, alongside pretty much everything else in the âTwelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinkingâ section has a pretty evil tone to it. Which all goes to say that when read How to Win Friends & Influence People with an eye for manipulation, itâs a guidebook for getting what you want.
How you incorporate Carnegieâs lessons into your life is totally up you. When it comes to How to Win Friends & Influence People, there are two very distinct readings that come from why youâre reading it. If youâre in sales or deal with people on a business level, itâs a framework that many find useful, especially as theyâre learning the ropes of dealing with people in a business setting. Likewise, if you struggle with friendships because itâs unclear how to respond in certain social situations, it provides a guide, albeit a simplistic one, for doing so. Yet, on the other end, if youâre looking for ways to get what you want by any means necessary, it certainly does that as well. There are manipulation tactics here meant to persuade people to your way of thinking.
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Personally, I find a lot of Carnegieâs suggestions either too simplistic or insincere. Iâd argue that insincerity is actually okay in a lot of circumstances, but not in the ones I tend to find myself in. While Iâve certainly struggled plenty with âdealing with peopleâ or social anxieties, I donât really feel any better equipped for dealing with those struggles after reading this.
âHow to Win Friends and Influence Peopleâ is one of the most popular self-improvement books ever written.
Over 15 million copies sold and to this day people swear by the book.
We swear by it. Weâve translated many of the principles in the book to help create an inbound lead generation system that consistently doubles our clients leads with ease.
Today I present to you the a How to Win Friends and Influence People summary. These are cliffnotes for each chapter within the best seller.
But first letâs influence you on the book itself. Here are 12 things this book will do for you:
I you like what you see here, I suggest you go pick up the book because there are so many useful historical examples Dale Carnegie used in his book to explain these principles in greater detail.
So here is the summary:
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Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Chapter 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Principle 1: Donât criticize, condemn, or complain.
Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Chapter 3: He Who Can do this Holds the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Part 2: Ways to Make People Like You
Chapter 1: Do This and Youâll be Welcome Anywhere
Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
Chapter 2: A Simple Way to Make a Good Impression
Chapter 3: If You Donât Do This, You are Headed for Trouble
Principle 3: Remember that a personâs name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Chapter 4: An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Chapter 5: How to Interest People
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other personâs interests
Chapter 6: How to Make People Like You Instantly
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important â and do it sincerely
Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Chapter 1: You Canât Win an Argument
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Chapter 2: A Sure Way of Making Enemies â And How to Avoid It
Principle 2: Show respect for the other personâs opinions. Never say âyouâre wrongâ.
Chapter 3: If Youâre Wrong, Admit It
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Chapter 4: A Drop of Honey
Chapter 5: The Secret of Socrates
Principle 5: Get the other person saying âYes, Yesâ immediately.
Chapter 6: The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Chapter 7: How to Get Cooperation
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
Chapter 8: A Formula that Will Work Wonders for You
Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other personâs point of view.
Chapter 9: What Everybody Wants
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other personâs ideas and desires.
Chapter 10: An Appeal that Everybody Likes
Chapter 11: The Movies Do it. TV Does it. Why Donât You Do it?
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas
Chapter 12: When Nothing Else Works, Try This
Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Chapter 1: If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Chapter 2: How to Criticize â and Not Be Hated for It
Principle 2: Call attention to peopleâs mistakes indirectly.
Chapter 3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Chapter 4: No One Likes to Take Orders
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Chapter 5: Let the Other Person Save Face
Chapter 6: How to Spur People to Success
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be âhearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.â
Chapter 7: Give a Dog a Good Name
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Chapter 8: Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Chapter 9: Making People Glad to Do What You Want
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. Over 15 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best-selling books of all time.[1] In 2011, it was number 19 on Time Magazine's list of the 100 most influential books.[2]
In 1934, Leon Shimkin of the publishing firm Simon & Schuster took one of Carnegie's 14-week courses; afterward, Shimkin persuaded Carnegie to let a stenographer take notes from the course to be revised for publication. The book sold exceptionally well from the start, going through 17 editions in its first year alone.
In 1981, a revised edition containing updated language and anecdotes was released.[3] The revised edition reduced the number of sections from six to four, eliminating sections on effective business letters and improving marital satisfaction.
Major sections and points[edit]Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You[edit]
The book has six major sections. The core principles of each section are explained and quoted from below.[4]
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People[edit]
Six Ways to Make People Like You[edit]
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking[edit]
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment[edit]
Letters That Produced Miraculous Results[edit]
Dale Carnegie How To Win Friends Summâ¦Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier[edit]
Origins[edit]
Before How to Win Friends and Influence People was released, the genre of self-help books had an ample heritage. Authors such as Napoleon Hill, Orison Swett Marden, and Samuel Smiles had enormous success with their self-help books in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Dale Carnegie began his career not as a writer, but as a teacher of public speaking. He started out teaching night classes at a YMCA in New York and his classes became wildly popular and highly attended. The success of the classes in New York prompted YMCAs in Philadelphia and Baltimore to begin hosting the course as well.[7] After even greater success, Carnegie decided to begin teaching the courses on his own at hotels in London, Paris, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, and Baltimore. Because he could not find any satisfactory handbook already in publication, Carnegie originally began writing small booklets to go along with his courses.[8] After one of his 14-week courses, he was approached by publisher Leon Shimkin of the publishing house Simon & Schuster.[9] Shimkin urged Carnegie to write a book, but he was not initially persuaded. Shimken then hired a stenographer to type up what he heard in one of Carnegie's long lectures and presented the transcript to Carnegie.[10] Dale Carnegie liked the transcript so much he decided to edit and revise it into a final form.[11] He wanted it to be extremely practical and interesting to read. To market the book, Shimkin decided to send 500 copies of the book to former graduates of the Dale Carnegie Course, with a note that pointed out the utility of the book for refreshing students with the advice they had learned.[12]:141 The 500 mailed copies brought orders for over 5,000 more copies of the book and Simon & Schuster had to increase the original print order of 1,200 quickly.[12]:142 Shimkin also ran a full page ad in the New York Times complete with quotes by Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller on the importance of human relations.[13] Originally published in November 1936, the book reached the New York Times best-seller list by the end of the year, and did not fall off for the next two years.[12]:141 Simon & Schuster continued to advertise the book relying heavily on testimonials as well as the testable approach the book offered.[13]
Reception[edit]
How to Win Friends and Influence People became one of the most successful books in American history. It went through 17 print editions in its first year of publishing and sold 250,000 copies in the first three months. The book has sold over 15 million copies worldwide since and annually sells in excess of 100,000 copies.[1] A recent Library of Congress survey ranked Carnegie's volume as the seventh most influential book in American history.[14]
The book met widespread popularity, but also stark criticism in many cases. Despite many of the negative comments from his critics, Carnegie's book established a new genre. Carnegie described his book as an 'action-book' but the category he created has since become known as the self-help genre. Almost every self-help book since has borrowed some type of style or form from Carnegie's 'path-breaking best seller.'[15]
Although How to Win Friends and Influence People ascended quickly on best-seller lists, the New York Times did not review it until February 1937. They offered a balanced criticism arguing that Carnegie indeed offered insightful advice in dealing with people, but that his wisdom was extremely simple and should not overrule the foundation of actual knowledge.[16]
The satirical writer Sinclair Lewis waited a year to offer his scathing critique. He described Carnegie's method as teaching people to 'smile and bob and pretend to be interested in other people's hobbies precisely so that you may screw things out of them.'[17][18] However, despite the criticism, sales continued to soar and the book was talked about and reviewed as it rapidly became mainstream.
Scholarly critique however, was little and oscillated over time. Due to the book's lay appeal, it was not significantly discussed in academic journals. In the early stages of the book's life, the few scholarly reviews that were written explained the contents of the book and attempted to describe what made the book popular.[19] As time passed however, scholarly reviews became more critical, chiding Carnegie for being insincere and manipulative.[20]
Despite the lack of attention in academic circles, How to Win Friends and Influence People was written for a popular audience and Carnegie successfully captured the attention of his target. The book experienced mass consumption and appeared in many popular periodicals, including garnering 10 pages in the January 1937 edition of Reader's Digest.[21]
The book continued to remain at the top of best-seller lists and was even noted in the New York Times to have been extremely successful in Nazi Germany, much to the writer's bewilderment. He wrote that Carnegie would rate 'butter higher than guns as a means of winning friends' something 'diametrically opposite to the official German view.'[22]
How to Win Friends and Influence People continues to have success even into the 21st century. The book ranks as the 11th highest selling non-fiction book on Amazon of all time and shows no signs of slowing down.[23]
In popular culture[edit]
References[edit]
External links[edit]
Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People&oldid=904206101'
A brief, no fluff, summary of Dale Carnegieâs How to Win Friends and Influence People.
How To Win Friends And Influence People Summary
Techniques in Handling People
Six ways to make people like you
Win people to your way of thinking
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
***
On criticism
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a personâs precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. â¦. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complainâand most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: âA great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.â
On dealing with people
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
On influence
[T]he only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
On the secret of success
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other personâs point of view and see things from that personâs angle as well as from your own.
PDF, Chapters & Review of Dale Carnegieâs BookHow To Win Friends And Influence PeopleAuthor: Dale CarnegieWhen dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity. This may be the single greatest business book ever written. You could probably read it every year, and its advice would still help you out. It is so good that these notes are simply a summary of the notes already included in the book at the end of each section. Part OneFundamental Techniques in Handling People
Part TwoSix Ways To Make People Like You
Everybody in the world is seeking happinessâand there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesnât depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. Part ThreeWin People To Your Way Of Thinking
Part FourBe A Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment
End notes:The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses. Criticism
That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: âA great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.â Dealing with people
Influence
The secret of success
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